Until husband and wife see themselves as brother and sister, marriage will be like slavery- Marriage Counselor

By 'Gbenga Bankole

"Until husband and wife see themselves as  brother and sister, a friend and a soul mate, marriage will be like slavery.  This is exactly how marriage is to many today, born again Christians, Pastors and Prophets inclusive," says the Convener of Royal Home Foundation International (RHFI), Mrs. Deborah Abimbola-Akanbi

Mrs. Akanbi noted this while ministering recently at Intentional Marriage Builders programme.

She said a home where a woman cannot freely express her mind or feelings is a dungeon of suffering.

She added that "all these are happening because someone didn't understand what submission is. Our men, please, it's time we know that submission is not subjugation. Marriage relationship is a mutual respect for each other in reverence to God. It isn't a Master-Servant or Boss-Subordinate relationship.

"You want to have sex with her as it pleases you, even when she is terribly tired or sick.That is wickedness, sir. You want her to cook food for you when you don't give her money.You are worse than an infidel, sir.
On every slight provocation, you beat her as if you are beating a child. Is that how you beat your female colleagues at work? This is not good, sir."

"You only want her to be seen and not to be heard. You should have told her she has lost her glory and personality for marrying you. Please, don't make marriage look as if it is a death warrant. Marriage is good. Work at yours and make it good."

"Let's drop all the mentality of cruelty our fathers unconsciously instilled in us, in their relationship with our mothers. In their days , they knew it wasn't right, but they couldn't help themselves. Why must we take over that wickedness from them? Let me tell you, many of them regretted it and many are still regretting. The natural law remains, 'whatever a man sows, he will reap."

"For whatever reason, it is not right and it is not Biblical for a woman to be treated as a slave. Your wife is your sister. She is your friend and she is your Angel. Please, treat her well from today."


  1. Thank you Mummy you have said it all.

  2. Thank you Mummy you have said it all.

  3. So this mummy is bias... it's all about tongue-lashing the husband. She didn't say anything about the woman that is also not fulfilling her part of what the scripture says. God will help us

  4. I disagree on many points raised by the counsellor as we are made to believe. Anything condemning tradition in absolute terms is wrong, it's like saying the kids must not love their mom than their dad bcs it's not the right thing. Also we need to look a bit deeper what happened for most men beat their wives, not that it's right but to correct any mis behave, we need to uproot the bad aspect first. What did the bible says about women in the church and public places, it's wrong that the so called christian are the ones going against the holy book doctrine. Of course, i do agree and concur that a good and responsible marriage must be founded on love, not the mordern days love, but love that is mentioned in the bible

  5. How is beating an adult correction,

  6. U see it not good to treat your wife badly and it not good to make her a slave,but those who do them has a root cause, some of which are from what they saw their fathers do when they were growing up and the lack of respect for women but let not forget that the bible said Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church but women of today have moved from this position of knowing that submission means respect for your husband and not to talk to him just anyhow because she already has the ring,respect is more important to any man in marriage than anything, we are naturally born to lead if a woman want to over take the man and to make the man feel less than he is then trouble will start.it not good for the woman not to express her feelings or mind but when expressing your mind or feelings make sure you don't disrespect the man in the process, men naturally loves women when they are respected they will do anything for that woman. I believe if men and women stay in their Position that God place them there will be peace

  7. Great advice,men should respect their wives, treat them well ,kindly and bravely. Generally speak,man has the authority to manage his wife naturally,so u should manage in best manner not in terrible way.

  8. I am a godly and God-fearing man. I married my wife at the age of 27 while she was 34. I loved her. But unknown to me. I married my enemy.

    *She is domineering. She always wants her decisions stamped at home.Even the children will always appendix her words as final say. She detests it when I opposes her commands.I always keep an atmosphere of peace because i don't want people hearing quarrels & noise in the house of a pastor.So,she takes advantage of my extreme fear of God & intimidate me.

    *She is always right & never wrong. Even when she is wrong,to make peace reign,am the one who apologises to her. For twenty five years of our marriage,I have never heard the word "am sorry" from my wife.Does it mean that she is always right?

    *She will never allow us as husband & wife to sit down and discuss issues affecting us.No, never! So, I often wonder if she is normal at all.

    *She is competitive. She always want the children to believe that she is the one footing most of the bills in the home & God knows that it is never true.Always wanting them to feel that she is doing financially better than myself.

    *As a pastor & a Christian, even when I remind her of God's injunctions concerning marriage,she winks her nose at me. I often challenge her with God's word & she will say "that is the only thing you know .

    *She will never support anything that I do. Like no moral or financial support for my ministry. It is always criticism altheway. She criticises everything that I do. She even solicits for others to criticize me.

    *Am always LONELY though married but lonely. She doesn't come to my bedroom, just to avoid sex. She rather sleeps in the other rooms or even the sitting room.

    *She would starve me of sex repeatedly again & again. Only on rare occasions do we have it & even then it becomes so mechanical. Most times it is at the point of sex that she will utter very derogatory remarks against me with insults & at such times my pennis will just die off.

    *She makes jest of me that I am a nobody from a useless family. She will furnish the kids with lies & lies. She has even succeeded in winning them on her side but it does not bother me. I still perform my role as a father to prove a point to God.

    *Whatever makes me happy saddens her. Even when I report her to her family,they take sides with her instead of rebuking her.

    *She does whatever she likes in the home,goes anywhere & if I ask questions, she will turn the while thing to look like "children come & see o! Your father has come with his troubles again o!"

    *She complains all the time about money. As I speak,I don't know how much she receives & even when she receives or not. Am not the kind of husband who has eyes on the wife's money. I foot my bills.

    *Recently,she sold the only land we both have,behind my back. And that is a land that I spent my own money to do the foundation. But because it was given to us by her father, she had the audacity to sell it. She refused to disclose anything about the money to me.

    *As a contractor\engineer, whenever I got a job, she wants to know how much am making & even instruct me on how the money must be spent. She will even cunningly obtain money from me by inflating the needs of the home & the children. She must always make sure that money finished from my hand. As if she enjoys seeing me rolling in penury.

    *This marriage is as living in hell fire.

    *At each day that passes by, I always plan of where to run to. And am still planning until it is perfected . The fear of God,has made me have such a long underinsured. But now that am still strong, I will run for my life. Am 52 while she is 59.I thought she should be the one to be most grateful to God for blessing her with a younger man for a husband & even a God fearing pastor at that .

    *Hmmmmmm! Am tired of life. If not that it is a SINFUL & a hell bound thing, I would have taken my life so that I can meet with God & rest in eternity.

    1. When you married an older woman, what were you looking for, her money? What did you expect?

    2. Age has nothing to do when it comes to God's will,sir all u have to do is to prayerfully carry your cross and things will change for the best in your marriage by the grace of God and u can also join it with fasting and I believe devil will be put to shame at last in your marriage.

    3. Age has nothing to do when it comes to God's will,sir all u have to do is to prayerfully carry your cross and things will change for the best in your marriage by the grace of God and u can also join it with fasting and I believe devil will be put to shame at last in your marriage.

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