Pastor Isaac Abiara
Pastor
Isaac Abiara, is the firstborn of three sets of twins born to the renowned
Prophet Samuel Abiara, former General Evangelist of Christ Apostolic Church,
and planter of CAC Agbala Itura. He’s presently the Superintendent of CAC
Agbala-Itura DCC, Lagos. In this interview with Punch Newspaper, the former
US-based cleric gives his perspectives about Christendom, father’s lasting
legacies and the crucial role good parenting plays in shaping children’s lives
Growing up
as the first set of twins, what challenges did you face, especially as a
pastor’s son?
If there were any challenges, it had to do with coping with my
parents being in the ministry and having to follow in their footsteps. As a
minister’s child, sometimes you feel like you’re missing out on certain things,
especially not being able to go out and play with your friends.
Aside from that, there weren’t many challenges. The real
challenge was the desire to be like other kids, which wasn’t possible because
we had to be in church all the time, but which was also good.
Did you at any point get overwhelmed with the expectations that came with being
a pastor’s child?
Many times, I felt like I was missing out. But as I grew older,
I realised that I had not missed anything significant. When I reflect on it
now, I wonder what exactly I missed. Perhaps it was going out, attending
parties, or doing other things teenagers typically do. But in retrospect, I see
that I didn’t miss out on anything.
How did your father’s role
as a prophet shape your childhood and overall views on religion?
Growing
up in our household, we had a routine. Every morning at about 6 a.m., the bell
would ring, and everyone had to gather for prayer. This practice continues even
to this day when I visit home. During those mornings, my father would teach us
the Bible, along with morals and values.
This had a significant impact on me and my siblings, and
instilled in us a strong sense of judgment. We always had a clear boundary in
our minds that we knew not to cross.
Spiritually, my father taught me a lot, especially about prayer
and fasting. He was well-known as the ‘coconut prophet’ because he would break
his fasts with only coconut. From him, I learned the importance of prayer,
fasting, and relying on God.
My younger brother used to joke that while other families
were vacationing abroad, we were always on the mountain, praying. This shaped
my view of the Christianity and spiritual world.
The way my father lives and leads us in faith is different from
some of the excesses we see in Christendom today. His example has deeply
influenced the way I practice my religion.
What was it like growing up
in a household with three sets of twins?
It was a unique experience. Unfortunately, my twin sister passed
away when we were about four years old, so I didn’t have the chance to grow up
with her.
As
for the other sets of twins, we all got along well. I moved to the United
States when they were still very young, so I wasn’t fully part of their
upbringing.
However, it was a normal, yet distinctive experience marked by a
strong sense of connection and shared identity.
As a pastor, how
challenging has it been trying to follow or fit into your father’s shoes, and
carving out your path?
This is the way I see it, I can’t carve my path without
following in his footsteps. So, they are not mutually exclusive. It’s important
to combine both aspects. I’m pursuing my work in the ministry while still
looking up to him and learning from his wisdom. In other words, while I respect
and learn from him, I am also creating my path within the ministry.
Can you share a memorable
lesson learnt from your father that still influences your life?
My father is a loyal person who never forgets those who supported
him before his ministry became well-known. From him, I learned that when you
achieve success, always remember those who stood by you. Unfortunately, some
people forget those who helped them once they got to the top. My father has
never been that way. I have seen him help those facing difficulties by showing
gratitude for their support.
This particular lesson has profoundly impacted me. I am mindful
that wherever life takes me, I must not forget those that were there for me.
Being his child also comes with high
expectations. Because of my father’s reputation, people often expect me to
behave well and meet high standards. It was also a constant expectation to
perform at a high level. As the children born to men of God, mistakes are less
forgiven, and there is a higher standard to uphold.
My parents, including my late mother, showed
us a great deal of love. Even when I was in the U.S., my mother would express
her love and warmth, making it clear that she saw me as more than just her
biological child but as a part of a larger family.
Growing up, we never lacked anything, and
though their way of showing love might have been different, it was always
evident.
I’ve learned from them to show love to my own
children. I apply the values and discipline my father instilled in me as
teaching moments for my kids.
What are the things you
missed about your mum?
It’s really emotional to talk about this. My
mum always wanted the best for us and never wanted us to lack anything. Even
when I visited her from the U.S., she would insist on giving me money, even
though I felt I should be supporting her. She often called me when I was in
Nigeria, to ask about my whereabouts and if I had eaten.
Her genuine care and concern were always
evident. She made me feel loved and accepted and treated my wife as her
daughter, not just as a daughter-in-law.
What values from your
father have you consciously passed on to your children?
One key value I’ve passed on to my children is
total dependence on God. My father always emphasised that he wouldn’t always be
there for us, so we needed to rely on God. This reliance on God is something
I’ve instilled in them. My children are currently studying in the U.S., while I
am in Nigeria.
Another important value is integrity. My
father taught me the importance of honesty and staying true to one’s
principles, and I strive to pass that lesson on to my children as well.
What about making them
aware of their grandfather’s legacies?
One day, while my kids were at school, they
had a substitute teacher from Nigeria. I’m not sure if it was my son or
daughter, but when they came home, they told me that the teacher looked at
their names and asked, “Which Abiara are you?”
As they began to understand, they realised
that their grandfather had built a strong reputation, and it was important for
them to uphold that name. I explained to them that they have a responsibility
to maintain the good name their grandfather established and not tarnish it in
any way.
For example, during an interview, my
daughter’s name came up, and the interviewer recognised it and mentioned her
grandfather.
This was a teaching moment for me. I reminded
them that God has blessed us with a good name, and they must preserve it. The
Bible says a good name is more valuable than silver or gold, highlighting the
importance of maintaining a strong reputation.
What is the most
important lesson on parenting that you picked from your father?
Instilling good values in your children is
paramount. To me, it underscores the significance of character and integrity in
their development. Emphasising the importance of these values is crucial for
their growth and success.
I believe it was actually my mum who brought
normalcy into our lives. My dad was always busy with work and travelling,
especially during our formative years when the ministry was growing.
While he was away on missions, my mother
stayed home, maintaining stability and keeping everyone in check.
What I’ve learned is the value of teaching
through calm communication rather than shouting or punishment. For example,
whenever my father gathered us for a meeting, it often turned into a lesson or
a sermon.
He never criticised us directly but instead
used the scripture to guide us.
From
this, I learnt the importance of speaking to children calmly and explaining
what is right and wrong, rather than resorting to harsh discipline.
Additionally, leading by example is crucial. My father was an
excellent role model, particularly in his treatment of my mother.
I
never saw him lay a hand on her or witness any fights between them. Because of
this, I strive to teach my children by embodying the values I want them to
learn.
Can you describe a time
when your father’s wisdom helped in your parenting journey?
There was a time when my son, who is into sports, suffered a
serious injury. He had to be airlifted to the hospital, and the situation was
quite dire. He had been hit in the head and was unable to move his extremities.
I remember that day vividly; both my wife and I were at the hospital, deeply
concerned.
I called my father, feeling frantic, and kept telling him,
“Baba, nothing must happen to my son. Nothing must happen to David.”
He responded calmly, urging me to stay composed. Despite the
alarming news that my son couldn’t move, my father’s reassurance helped me find
some peace. He advised me to remain calm, which was crucial during that time.
Through
this experience, I learned the importance of staying calm in the face of
adversity. My father’s ability to maintain calmness, even in challenging
situations, taught me valuable lessons. Even when I faced difficulties in the
U.S., his steady demeanour was a guiding force. He never panicked, and this
wisdom has greatly influenced how I handle stressful situations. I strive to
embody the same calmness, no matter how tough the circumstances may be.
You mentioned living in the
U.S., when exactly did you leave Nigeria?
I left Nigeria in January 1988, shortly after completing my
secondary education at Holy Trinity Grammar School in Ibadan.
Afterwards, I moved to the U.S. and studied at Grace College and
Theological Seminary.
I am currently enrolled at Regent University in Virginia for my
advanced Biblical and Theological degree.
So back to your question, in Christ Apostolic Church, like other
denominations, one of the things that can happen is that you can be transferred
anywhere, anytime.
I have been in the U.S., for quite some time, and earlier this
year, I was informed that I have been posted to Nigeria, no questions asked.
Thank
God that this time, my kids are in school; it is much easier now compared to
when they were still at home.
How did you meet your wife?
In the early 1990s, while I was living in Chicago, I decided to
visit a new church in Maryland, which was about a three-hour flight. At that
time, my wife had recently moved from Nigeria to Maryland, although she was
originally born in the U.S. She usually helped my father interpret during his
visits to Maryland.
When I visited the church, I initially didn’t think much of her,
but as I got to know her, I realised there was something special about her.
A funny story is that a man from our church, who liked her but
was too shy to speak to her, asked me to help him. That was how we started
talking more, and the rest is history.
We got married in 1999, and it has been 25 wonderful years
together.
I truly believe that finding a good wife is a great blessing.
What helped to sustain your marriage up to this point?
Firstly, express gratitude to your supportive spouse. Secondly,
it is essential to practice humility and apologise when necessary, even if you
believe you are in the right.
Demonstrating care and making your partner feel valued is
crucial.
During the early years of marriage, especially on Sundays when I
was a young minister trying to impress, I found myself shouting and criticising
her over minor issues, like being late or not completing tasks.
Over time, I realised that this approach was ineffective.
Instead, I learned the importance of helping out and contributing to household
responsibilities.
Assisting with tasks, particularly those involving children, is
vital for a harmonious marriage.
Respect and love are fundamental. Spend quality time together,
such as accompanying your spouse on errands, which can strengthen your bond.
Avoid talking down to or belittling your partner, regardless of their actions
or appearance.
Respect
is key to maintaining a positive relationship.
Marriage requires effort and mutual respect, much like a
well-maintained chair that supports both partners equally.
Do you ever feel pressured
to parent your children in a way that reflects your father’s influence?
I wouldn’t describe it as pressure to mirror my father’s
approach. Instead, the focus is on ensuring my children succeed in a manner
consistent with God’s teachings.
Success can be defined in many ways, and in our country, some
may view theft or dishonesty as success. But for me, it’s about instilling
values of integrity and good morals in my children. I want them to succeed
while upholding these values, so they can look back and say, “I achieved this
without compromising my principles.”
How do you strike a balance
between the expectations of people and the life your children live?
These roles are distinct, but I view parenting as my most
important responsibility, even beyond my pastoral duties. The Bible emphasises
that if someone can’t manage their household, they are unfit to care for the
house of God. I strive to balance these roles by setting aside specific times
for pastoral work and family time.
What challenges have you faced raising children in the public
eye?
Raising teenagers, whether in the U.S., or Nigeria, comes with its
own set of challenges, especially dealing with peer pressure. I try to impart
the same morals my father taught me, always keeping in mind the boundaries he
set.
If your father were to give
your children advice, what do you think he would say?
He would likely advise them to always trust in God for guidance
and support.
How do you maintain a
strong relationship with your children while managing your responsibilities as
a pastor?
I’ve learned to balance the roles of pastor and father by
prioritizing my family. After fulfilling my duties to God and my calling, my
family, my wife, and my children come next.
What advice would you give
to children from similar backgrounds like yours, who might struggle with their
family’s legacy?
My
advice is to first understand the positive aspects that contributed to your
family’s legacy. Reflect on the values and actions that elevated your family to
prominence. Ask yourself what elements of this legacy you can model and adopt
in your own life. It’s important not to take your family’s legacy for granted
as a right but rather to view it as a privilege that requires careful
stewardship. Avoid living erratically and instead, commit to preserving and continuing
the positive aspects of the family’s legacy.
In your opinion, what has
gone wrong with parenting and how do you think this can be remedied?
Many parents today fail to be effective role models, leading
children to mimic others instead of learning positive behaviours at home. Good
parenting involves setting a strong example, but when parents don’t model
positive traits, children lack proper guidance. In my experience, many of us
became ministers because we grew up seeing this behaviour modelled at home. To
address this issue, it’s crucial to focus on becoming better role models and
fostering positive values within the family, as our society currently lacks
sufficient good role models.